Time (or... The Right Edge)

After months and months of torturing over a life changing decision, and then weeks of waiting until that decision could be made public, I am finally free to live out loud and proud and shamelessly giddy over what might come of it all.

Sounds a little like I'm coming out doesn't it?! But no - I'm just moving on.

Around eight years ago my life was infinitely blessed by a miracle in the form of an opportunity. I was offered the job of taking over artistic and managerial leadership of a little theatre company called The Shakespeare Company. I had spent one summer acting with the company and was already in love with all the potential it possesed. Having never directed before, let alone run a theatre company, I mustered up all my courage, gathered a very special group of passionate souls to join me, stepped off the edge of everything I knew and dared to dream of what could be.

Year after year our little family grew. I was blessed to have some of the most beautiful, generous and fiercely talented artists you could ever meet come to believe in and share my dream for what our company could grow to be.

Many of these artists became like family to me and I will love them all, more than they'll ever imagine, every day of my life. You were the best thing of all.

One of these great loves of my life even agreed to marry me! He was my secret crush through As You Like It (though my Phebe could never let his Silvius know THAT!!) His unrequited love broke my heart the summer of The Two Gentlemen of Verona. Finally we fell in love behind the trees during Much Ado About Nothing and his Richard rocked my world in Henry VI Part III. Our commitment deepened through Twelfth Night and Romeo and Juliet and we were engaged after the closing night performance of The Taming of the Shrew; in the very vineyard where I first knew he was 'the one'. Eight months later we were married with the Athenians in the magical forest of A Midsummer Night's Dream.

I am so grateful to have spent my 30's surrounded and supported by so much love, and passionately pouring my life's energy into a dream that I will always be so immensely proud of. I have memories that make my heart soar (far too many to name) and I have lines on my face carved out by the intensity of everything I experienced on this journey. My time with The Shakespeare Company has played a huge role in making me the woman I am today and I am enormously proud of everything I accomplished.

Because I love this company so much, the thought of leaving was terrifying. I struggled for months - torturing over 'what ifs', mourning the potential loss no less than I would the death of a loved one, and wrestling with anxiety and fear over whether I would live to see doubt grow into agonizing regret.

But there is a voice deep inside that keeps calling my name.

It says it's time to move forward, time to let the sunshine play on my face and soak up the delicious freedom that lies in the great unknown. It says that I have given this dream everything I have to give, and now it is time to set myself free.

Time to fill the well.
Time to nurture the dreams that lie in wait.
Time to step off a new edge.
Time for me.

Finally at peace with the decision that took me an entire year to make, I sat at my desk, surrounded by memories and precious keepsakes of 8 years well lived, and I wrote my letter of resignation. I advised the board of my decision and assured them that I knew in my heart of hearts that it was time for them to bless another life with this incredible opportunity.

And I am so very excited for what the future holds for that fortunate soul and for the next evolution of this company that I love - so very, very, very much.

There are a few dreams I've had for some years now that I've always put to one side because my commitment to TSC came first. In the past few months I have begun the intimidating but exhilarating process of pursuing them.

One is a month long intensive with Shakespeare & Company in Lenox Mass. for classical actor training that takes place in January each year. Since my work with TSC officially ends in December, I was suddenly free to apply. I couldn't imagine a more amazing way to step back into my life as an artist than to go immerse myself in an intense classical training program. What a way to fully dive back into the skin of the actor who is at the very core of who I am. What an AMAZING way to nurture my creative self and help prepare myself for a new year full of all kinds of new challenges.

This afternoon I was happy, but everything felt a bit surreal. It was mere hours before I'd finally be releasing the boards statement about my decision to the public. The end of this chapter would be that much more real and I still had no idea what the next chapter would involve. It was a little scary.

And then my letter of acceptance into the Shakespeare & Company Intensive arrived.

A message from the universe:

"You just go ahead and keep on dreaming Iam - because you are standing on EXACTLY the right edge."

Thank you.

I am full of love and gratitude, hope and anticipation,
and many more dreams.