Intuition

Today was the first group meeting for the 30 Day Yoga Challenge I’m doing with the Bodhi Tree. The moment I came into the room and took my seat in the circle of participants a very clear voice spoke from within me and said:

“This is exactly where you are supposed to be.” 

It was a great comfort that the message was so clear. 

There are times when the task of trying to sort out 'the right path' is overwhelming and totally confusing. 

Change is scary and I feel like life has been such a roller coaster lately that what I want or feel is right can change dramatically from week to week.

My friend Melanie gave me the challenge of developing my intuition. She recommended a book by Shakti Gawain and asked that I read it and apply the exercises and principles to my life over the next few months. I am on my second read and am working on recognizing the difference between my intuition and some of the other voices that can be pretty daunting as they come from places of fear or insecurity or ego. 

I truly believe that I’m becoming more in tune with “the flow of life”.

I also did a wonderful thing and put the audio book recording of The Alchemist on my ipod for dog walks with Phebe. It is a book I have loved since my early university days - a fable about following your dreams. It was the perfect thing to revisit right now. It was totally inspiring and so achingly nostalgic to be reminded of what moved me so deeply when I was so so young. I thought a lot about old friends and all the hopes and dreams we shared when passion and possibilities were everything.

I have had some powerful intuitive feelings lately. They are physically palpable. Not that that should surprise me. 

I have definitely learned how physically debilitating anxiety can be this past year. 

Sadness can make you nauseous. Fear makes your heart race. Desire causes...nevermind - you get the drift.

So it just makes sense that that the body would also respond physically to the soul when an important message is being delivered through intuition.

It’s funny that I have spent all year struggling with a question that I have always known the answer to. Nevertheless I have searched for guidance from every source I could access: friends, books, tarot cards, gin bottles, yoga classes, oceans. 

I was the only one who could possibly answer the question but the truth is - I didn't trust myself. I couldn't. 

Because I knew that I was living a life that was about disconnecting from my real feelings. 

I was tuning out because tuning in was too daunting. 

But that didn’t stop that voice deep inside me from fighting to be heard. 

And now that I’m tuning in and taking care of myself I can trust that voice. 

It’s my intuition. It’s me. 

And that bitch is KRAZY!!! : )

In other news:

PASSES - On Friday I was deeply tempted to cash in a pass and head to a dance floor fueled by martini’s and madness. I was RESTLESS. I was only 9 days into a 90 day challenge and I was itching to give in to my party girl. It was really great though that a pass was an option because knowing I could gave me the opportunity to really consider why I wanted to. Perhaps even more important was the opportunity to consider what I wanted - even more. 

I know that I definitely have more to learn about what it is exactly that I get out of a crazy dance night. I think attention is part of it, as is release, and FUN, but I know there is more to it than that and I have a bit more untangling to do before I can truly understand it.

What was great though was that I ultimately decided that it was more important to me right now to stay the course. I’m just beginning to feel some positive affects from all the changes and I didn’t want to do anything that had any chance of diminishing them.

I feel like there is something very delicate and fragile blossoming in my life and I’m the only one who can nourish and protect it. I have to be vigilant about protecting it - most of all from myself, because I know I have the potential to destroy this sacred thing. 

Television - this has been harder than expected simply because in order to see it through completely I wind up having to segregate myself from the rest of the household. It isn’t fair of me to impose my rules on the whole house and I don’t want to feel like I’m constantly removing myself from the toxic behaviour of others. It was feeling a bit ‘judgy’. There is a huge decline in the amount of time I spend watching television definitely. But sometimes I just let it slide as something in the background as I read or something so that I can still hang out with the rest of the family.

Dream Journal - all I can say is that it’s a good thing it’s a journal and not a blog because I have had some doozies!! I decided right away that the details are definitely better kept to myself. What is cool though is a) I’m dreaming and remembering!! and b) I am definitely receiving guidance and insight.

Food - I’m all about the vegetarianism and have cut out all dairy too. It's all green smoothies, green soups and lemon water these days. Oh and...um...chips.  I’m keen to get into this more but in another blog.

Art Appreciation - this isn’t a huge priority at the moment but is currently definitely taking the form of music appreciation.

Nature Appreciation - Dog walks every day make this one pretty easy. God I love fall.

PLAY - My mom gave me her challenge a bit later than the rest and I’m behind on it. Her challenge to me was to go on Play Dates. Whether it’s learning to knit or taking a dance class with a friend, she wants me to develop more play in my life. I am definitely going to devote a separate post for this because my guess is that it is mixed up in why I wanted to hit a dance floor on Friday - but that’s for another day as well.

Bubble Bath Sunday - once again I eased my aching bod into a steaming oasis of bath salts and bubbles and thanked God that I had chosen to make it part of my challenge. Todays musical companions were Leonard Cohen and Jill Scott. It was heaven.